Hope Springs Eternal

There are confirmed reports that bits and pieces of Common Sense have been spotted in the Middle East. Common Sense and longtime co-conspirators Rational Thought are targeting the Middle East after centuries of miserable failures to gain even a tiny foothold in the region.

“Up to this point, the closest either of the, uh, two groups had come to any kind of, uh, success in that part of world, is when Akbar Ali Fa’ad and Melvin Weintraub ended a decade long feud, and agreed to disagree on whether Andy Warhol was a genius too far ahead of his time, or a drug crazed hack who sold his soul in exchange for utterly inexplicable success,” said CNN analyst U.R. Soles, whose credentials consist of once dating a girl who claimed to have been felt up under the bleachers by Lee Harvey Oswald in high school. “Other than that, it’s been like watching Ozzy Osbourne try to have a coherent conversation with Anna Nicole Smith.”

An attorney speaking on behalf of the two groups acknowledged the difficult job his clients were taking on.

“Sure, they realize trying to talk sense to either one of those folks is poking yourself repeatedly in the eye with a sharp stick. Everybody’s told them not to do this. But they're dead set on it. I've advised them to stop watching those goddamn Tony Robbins tapes so much, but they won't listen. Oh well, at least they’re paying me up front.”